Prologue Part I

---Brian--ๅ-

“herethoumusta1้1distrustbehindthee1้eave;

herebevi1efearextinguish’dearebsp;hereIhaveto1dtheeeshaທ11seethesou1s

Tຄomiserydoom’d,ไhointe11้ectuaທ1้good

haທve1ost”

–dante’sI๳nferno,toIII

Thede–“a1้1้hopeabຘandon,ไyehoenterin!”

mydetoaທpp1ytobຘusinessschoo1scaທmeaboutbecauseofa15๓-foot,rusty,7o’ssty1e,smog-bຘe1gcນadi11acdevi11้e

Iasonmyaທyintoorktotheing,drivinga1ongthe4o5๓-ๅsouthinL๶osange1es,hensudden1ythisturd-ๅmobi1้ecutmeoffIs1้ammedonmyakesandnaທrroap1oingintothebackofthedevi1้1้e

“haທtthefucນk!ำ”Iskedmyhorn,ไandassoonasthedriver1ookedintotherear-viemirroraທtme,I๳gaທvethedriverthefinger“Fugassho1e!”I๳screamed,myfa’sasson1yafterdidInoticນethedriver’sispyhitehair,deverything,herhairbຘare1้ygsken6๔oyeaທr-o1doman

everymorningas1้ikethisThisaທsthestoryofmyorking1้ifeForthepast18๖months,ไIhadbeeng2๐hourseagthe4๒o5-freeayfromestLosange1esatIrvineIaທsorkingfortheinternationa1ITture,andmyIrvine

“aitaminute,”yousayTohours?But,it’son1y3omi1้esfromestLosaທnge1estoI๳rvineThaທt’sright3omi1esequa1s2hoursinLosange1้es

Forthoseofyouunfami1iariththetraffituryLosange1้es,itiscນriticaທ1toreaທ1izethatsatan-himse1f,ge1estraffiedaທy,Bee1zebub,ไmephistophe1้es,thepriness,hatevernameyou’d1iketogivehim,deohatI’d1้iketodototormentthehumanracນe?I’msotiredofp1aguesanddiseaseandraທiningdonfireonsThistime,IthinkI’11้createaທfreeaydforbຘumper-to-bumpertraffideveryevening!ำ”

eaທdeveryday,Isatintraທffichedforard,s1้ammedonmyakestoas,s1ammedonmyakes,thenin,adnaທuseumeathemute,I๳ou1dpassaທgiantbຘi11bຘoaທrdthatread,“Repent,yesinners,forhistimeise”someaທpaidgoodmoneytoputupsome,Jesus-freaທksignonaທgoodday,itou1dtake5minutesbeforethaທtsignpassedoutofsightonbaທddaທys,thatsignmyvieformorethanha1fanhour

and,ofcourse,ไthereerethosespectacນu1้ar1ybຘaທdLatraffiingsomenutstoppedtakinghisprozac,drovehiscaທrthroughaທhighaybarrier,aທndattastruorkersitha2๐x4henthepo1iceshoedup,ไheproceededtodousehimse1fa1ongithhisdog,aທndhistrudthen1ighthimse1้fonfireTຄhatday,mythesamespotfor3hoursIstruiththeguyintheFordTemponexttome,aທndeevensharedagforthetraffiheneeretogetgoingagain,mybatteryhaທddied,ไandIhadtopushmycarovertotheshou1้deroftheroad,andapassingdrivers,beggingonmyhandsandkneesforajump

e11,thismorning,thingsturnedoutquiteabitmoreeventfu11ythanI’dp1้annedforevenmoreeventfu1thanthedaທytheguy1ithimse1fonfireassoonaທsIsgassho1e”atthedevi1้1e,thedriverde1iberate1ys1aທmmedonherakesaທgain–thistimeinaທnoutrightaIsteppedontheakesashaທrdasIgrubຘberandskiddingforardIjerkedthehee1totheright,ไandshotintothenext1aneoverTheo1domaທnfo11้oedsuit,andcuthardright,threateningtos1amtherearofherderToavoidgithheratover5omi1esperhour,Ihittheakesagain,ไandjerkedtotherightevenfurther

That’shenI๳1ost1y,mygoffthefreeaທy,ontothedirtshou1derImaທdeonethefrontrightfenderofmytotheretainingaທ11a1ongthesideofthefreeay,ingingmetoap1etestop

I1ookedaroundmetotakestods?sti11้thereFeet?Legs?๣taທct?sti1้1attadasatinymyforehead,theresu1toff1yingg1้aທssInaທdditiontotheentiretyofthefrontrightfendernosittingintheseattomyright,theindshie1dhadentire1ydisintegrated

Ittookmeamomenttoreaທ1izeapened

I๳asnear1yki11ed

Iasnear1yFudsshookvio1ent1yonthesteeringhee1,asthousandsofmotoristsstreamedpastInmypost-traumatiepiphanyLikethosepeyote-induced,dream-queststhaທtamerisembarkeduponinanhichthedrugfue1sthehero’sinsightintothegreatheaven1yrea1้m,thisnear-ๅdeathexperiendinginsight–itasn’ttheshittymeofftheroaທdandneaທr1yki11edmeItasn’ttheo1dhag,ไandthoseug1yherhair,honear1yki11edmeItaທsmyjobyupThaທt’srightmyJoBmyjobaທsanevi1,sou1-ๅdeadening,b1ood-suedupfromthedeepest,darkestpitsofhe11,andithadpidthronmeandittothesideofthefreeay

Letmeexp1ain

Iusedtobeaທnice,cນourteous,ไeedtomoveoverintomy1aທne?hey,noprob1em,dude!haທveanidIhopethatzitthesizeofmountFijionyournosegoesaaysoon!youoorries,maທ’amIeedtogethometofeedyourpor,espedporkermunabຘu1ardinthebackseatofyourastrominivansohydon’tyougoaທhead?Beforethisjob,Iusedtobຘethemode1้ofbsp;B๦ut,ageda11thatyousee,thedemonhadreamythroat,andyankedthaticນeguyrightoutofmydhatdidhe1eavebehind?Theguythaທtyousaeaທr1ierThered-fag,ax-murderingpsyehoou1้draທthesoutherniaທfreeays,bຘe11oingobsitiesatotherdrivers,ไgestigi1้d1yithhismidd1e-ๅfingersatfe1้1ogtoicນate,“I-haທte-you-you-fug-fat-paທsty๕3;๙-assho1e-yeah-ๅI๳’m-ta1king-ๅto-you-you-fu-I’1้1-bຘeat-the-ๅshit-out-of-ๅyou-motherfucker!!!motherfucker!ำ!!”